Life, God's Temporary Gift

it has been a very long time since my last post,

it is not that i hardly have any time,

it just that i scarcely have anything fun nor imperative to yell it out to people,

or more accurate,

i actually forgot the password to this particular blog..

but i digress,

the reason that i'm typing this particular moment,

is to talk my heart out,

to visualize what has been incessantly perturbing my mind for the past few days onto words,

what has been haunting me for the past few days that God lends to me..

i was on my way with a carefree group of debaters for a short talk last Saturday,

We were -as what people would call, "high spirited"-

thinking of what kind of peculiar activities awaiting us on the ranch.

After reciting the prayer, led by our Senior Nyamuk,

we started our journey that we never thought that it will not only be an experience adventure, but it will serve us as an emotional adventure in which we had needed to learn to cope.

The driver bus was jovial,

bantered to entertain us,

while the boys at the back were sharing laughter about and playing tricks on each other,

and after ten minutes leaving the gate of the university,

it had started to rain,

and as a rain lover,

i thought to myself,

that, that day, there was nothing that can go wrong,

i started playing the watch-the-water-droplets by myself,

when we reached a sharp corner,

suddenly the driver bus shouted,

"hey,hey, apa ni, apa ni masuk jalan org"

all of us suddenly aware that someone was driving recklessly,

but before we could even stand and ease our curiosity,

i heard a loud crash noise,

and suddenly we,

the students were plunged in front due to the massive impact,

inertia had caught us off guard,

some of us even landed on the floor,

after straightened myself and help the girl besides me to stand up,

i heard the co bus driver shouted,

"driver tu macam mane?"

then he answered his own question,

"ha, tu dia stil bergerak"

i started complaining that i smell smoke,

n people started to realize that they could smell it too,

and without wasting any second,

the witty bus driver opened the emergency door for us,

he shouted,

"keluar! Cepat! Keluar!"

in panicky state,

all of us grabbed what belongs to us,

but then we had a trouble,

the emergency door was evidently placed too high from the ground,

some of us(the girls) found it impossible to jump without twisting our ankles,

apparently,

two of the part 1 new members came to our rescue,

both of them helped us to get onto our feet on the ground,

once the last person was out (the lecturers)

we distanced ourselves from the bus and looked back at the horror passed us,

We saw a black pit of thick smoke rose from the front of the bus,

Obama,the President of the club, then came to his senses,

He shooed all of us behind an old house for shelter.

The girls were shaking madly,

Even i cant help myself from shaking incessantly,

The boys were badly shaken too,

Some of them even looked at the verge of puking any moment,

We tried to calm ourselves in our own ways,

The laughter that had been shared 5 minutes ago died brusquely,

We were then filled with fear,

We saw from far,

the driver and the co-driver were holding fire extinguishers,

trying their best to tame the wild engorging fire to help the stuck car driver,

The villagers started to plunged in to give a hand,

Vehicles stopped to lend their hands,

Within few minutes,

we heard sirens from far,

A fire truck came to the rescue,

And God knows what happened then as i stopped forcing myself from looking at the massacre,

i leaned against the old wall,

I heard another fire truck came.

we were cursing of the whereabouts of the ambulance,

clearly, the driver needed immediate medical attention,

i stood up again,

restless in the process of worrying and wishing for an ambulance to be there,

then i saw a villager talked to a fireman,

and then they started to dig a hole,

Apparently, the firemen and the villagers were digging for water,

God knows how much time wasted to put out the fire,

the picture of the driver stuck and being burnt came to our minds,

we shivered.

then, Asyraf, a part one newbie came,

holding his camera,

sweating profusely,

he professed that he caught some pictures of the wreck,

and from that ,

we saw the victim's bald head,

Encik Adi gathered us,

He started to give some words to calm us down,

Then we recited some prayer for the life of the victim,

The people surrounding looked at us with pity,

And then we were forbidden by Encik Adi to answer any questions from strangers,

While he gave a small talk,

came a man in uniform,

he asked for anyone that got injured,

Jaychou, one of the newbie bled his eyes due to the impact,

some of the girls got their shoulder and knees hurt,

then Encik Adi ordered me to follow the man,

He realized i was holding my right shoulder without letting it go,

whereas am not aware of it till the minute Encik Adi asked me too,

According to the man as we reached the ambulance,

my hand and shoulder bones got a massive impact of assembled from the crash,

that explained the bruise,

after several test then i realized i cant hold my hand up high.

Know i now, the power of fear actually can pinnacle pain,

Some of us didnt even realized that we hurt ourselves,

It happened when we tried to stopped ourselves from plunging to front when the impact of the crash applied to us.

And that explained our injuries.

While being treated,

from our ambulance we saw the firemen were carrying something and put it on the road,

It was the man,

the corpse,

Half burnt,

With his leg crashed,

The man did not make it.

and we saw a sight that we should not see.

A new bus came and fetched us,

some of us shivered even when stepping our feet on the bus,

We prayed all the way to PD,

Yes, we had to continue with our activities like Encik Baharim told us too,

The university had paid thousands,

and we had to follow the according to the plan.

But once we reached at the ranch,

all of us once again slowly perked up with the staff's supports,

we even enjoyed the activities laid for us.

We thought,

no more miseries.

But i was wrong.

once i had my mind cleared,

i cant stop thinking about that man,

Why was he rushing?

Did he need to be somewhere quick?

Did he suppose to meet his lover?

or was he married?

and what if he had children?

the questions were endless.

then i talked to mom for hours,

mom tried to console by saying it was all faith.

the next morning mom called and said,

that the accident was all over the papers.

so i got his name and typed it on my FB on-search,

there i saw his friends were paying their last respects by making small speech,

it was clearly seen by all of us of how he kept talking bout death over and over again,

but without none realizing it,

he has gone forever,

living his wife,

and three children with the youngest of 2-year-old of age,

God gave us life,

He blew soul into our body,

and took it without us knowing it.

God,

if we dint go to PD that day,

if only he didnt speed that day,

if only he didnt try to over take the car,

if..

if..

but like papa always says,

If is a two-letter word of futility..

God

May You Bless His Soul,

m so sorry for the wife and kids,

Al-fatihah.

ps: please ignore the grammatical errors on this particular post, i dint have the mood to recheck and m writing this just to fill my time as i have trouble sleeping these few days.

TQ